Website owner:  James Miller

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Causes of abuse

   What causes one person to abuse another?  There can be many 
   causes of abuse --- jealousy, anger, dislike, etc. ---  but one 
   very frequent cause is a person seeing what he regards as 
   faults in another and getting irritated and impatient with him.  
   It could be a boss who regards an employee as incompetent, or 
   stupid, or ignorant or "too slow" and becomes impatient.  Or a 
   person who becomes impatient with a spouse or child whom he 
   regards as negligent, irresponsible or lazy.  Then from the 
   irritation and impatience may come verbal abuse.  Some people 
   are more prone towards towards irritation and impatience 
   towards faults in others than other people are.  Perhaps it is 
   the high standards they set for themselves.  They demand much 
   of themselves and of others.  But also they lack a certain 
   understanding of others and a certain viewpoint toward life 
   that the patient, understanding person has.  They don't 
   appreciate that there are many kinds of people in this world, 
   that everyone has his strengths and weaknesses, his good points 
   and bad points, his abilities and inabilities, and that, for 
   the most part, you just can't do much to change people and you 
   have to accept them as they are. 

   There is another related cause of abuse also.  It happens when 
   a person looks down on another person with contempt because he 
   regards him as inferior.  For example, having a disdain for 
   someone because you regard him as stupid or "too slow".  Here 
   the person responsible for the abuse is setting himself up as a 
   judge.  The person who you regard as "slow" may be superior to 
   you in many ways.  

   Jan 1985

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