My transition to a calm, relaxed, laid-back person

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In my mind there are two main personality types: 1. The confident, calm, collected, tranquil, relaxed, laid-back personality. 2. The insecure, anxious, fearful, self-doubting personality. I would say that associated with the first type (confident, relaxed type) is excellent mental health. And connected with the second type are mental health problems of varying kinds and degrees.

Personality types

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Confident. adj. feeling or showing confidence in oneself; self-assured.

Syn. self-assured, assured, sure of oneself, self-confident, positive, assertive, self-assertive, self-possessed, believing in oneself, self-reliant, poised, filled with aplomb, cool, coolheaded, calm, collected, calm and collected, phlegmatic, levelheaded, composed, nonchalant, unperturbed, imperturbable, unruffled, impassive, serene, tranquil, relaxed, at ease, unflappable, together, unfazed, laid-back, equanimous

Phlegmatic. adj. (of a person) having an unemotional and stolidly calm disposition.

"the phlegmatic British character"

Similar. self-controlled, calm, cool, composed and collected, coolheaded, controlled, serene, tranquil, placid, impassive, self-possessed, self-confident, self-assured, stolid, imperturbable, unruffled, poised, levelheaded, dispassionate, philosophical, unflappable, equanimous

Unperturbed. adj. not perturbed or concerned.

Similar. untroubled, undisturbed, unworried, unconcerned, unmoved, unflustered, unruffled, unshaken, undismayed, calm, composed, cool, collected, controlled, unemotional, serene, tranquil, self-possessed, self-assured, poised, levelheaded, at ease, placid, collected, unflappable, unflinching, as cool as a cucumber, unfazed, laid-back, together

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Insecure. adj. (of a person) not confident or assured; uncertain and anxious.

"a rather gauche, insecure young man"

Similar. unconfident, lacking confidence, lacking self-confidence, not self-assured, diffident, self-effacing, self-conscious, unforthcoming, uncertain, unsure, doubtful, self-doubting, hesitant, unassertive, retiring, shrinking, shy, timid, timorous, meek, passive, inhibited, introverted, anxious, fearful, apprehensive, worried, ill at ease, mousy

Perturbed. adj. feeling anxiety or concern; unsettled

Similar. worried, upset, unsettled, disturbed, concerned, troubled, anxious, uneasy, fretful, disquieted, discomposed, disconcerted, discomfited, unnerved, alarmed, bothered, distressed, dismayed, agitated, flustered, ruffled, apprehensive, nervous, shaken, flurried, discountenanced, uncomfortable, twitchy, rattled, fazed, discombobulated, antsy, unquiet

Emotionally disturbed. adj. Suffering or resulting from emotional and mental problems.

Similar. troubled, distressed, unsettled, upset, distraught, unbalanced, unstable, disordered, dysfunctional, maladjusted, ill-adjusted, neurotic, emotionally confused, unhinged, screwed up, mixed up, messed up, hung up

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Up until the age of around 22 I was of the second type personality (self-doubting, insecure). I was afflicted by lack of confidence, self-doubt, worry, anxiety, etc. and was emotionally confused, frustrated, maladjusted, unstable, mixed up.

From age 22 to an age of around 32 I would say I was in a transition from one type to the other. For the last 50 years, since around age 32, I have been a very happy, mentally stable, relaxed, laid-back type person. The worst years of my life were my school years, especially my high school and college years, and my college years were much the worst. I believe the reason for this was the pressure of school, especially of the exams. I was different from most people in that I was much slower than most people and that slowness posed a big problem for me. I was slow in everything, including reading. The subjects that were easiest for me were mathematics, physics, chemistry, technical subjects. The hardest subject for me was language. I was required to take German and I spent a huge amount of time trying to learn German. In those days I was a very different person than I am now. Then I was a very idealistic, visionary, impractical person with high goals, a high opinion of my abilities, and expected of myself that I thoroughly understand each step of every mathematical proof and might spend hours trying to figure out how an author got from step 7 to step 8. I was a very persistent, determined person, not a person to admit defeat. Now I am a very practical person and would likely ignore the proofs. (Then there was a personal issue of always having to prove myself that was involved and now there is no such issue. I would now spend my time more wisely and productively.) In my early high school years I had in my youthful foolishness rather arrogantly, pridefully set for myself very idealistic, unrealistic goals for life. This was a very big mistake and I believe it was responsible for many of my emotional problems of that time and later. I had programmed myself to just expect too much of myself.

Immediately after graduating from college I felt a great release of pressure and was immediately much happier. Several years after finishing college I met my wife and I immediately became a much happier person. It was another big step up in my personal confidence and happiness. For about ten years after finishing college I continued pushing myself hard studying various mathematical subjects. Then around the age 32 I decided that I had reached my mathematical objectives and would turn my attention to religion and the arts. That was a big important key to a new kind of mind. I suddenly really relaxed and started enjoying myself. I morphed and blossomed. Focusing one’s mind too heavily on one particular thing is not mentally healthy. It is important to relax and free the mind to roam and reflect on many things. Philosophical thought and reflection are very important to happiness.

As one observes, thinks, and reflects one’s understanding of life, the world, and people deepens and changes. His basic assumptions, beliefs and attitudes change. He interprets things differently from the way he once did. Personal weaknesses or idiosyncracies that would once have worried or upset him no longer bother him. Self-doubts disappear. See

Proneness to stupidities causing loss of self-confidence

He becomes aware of all of the great variety that life has to offer. He comes to appreciate the great differences that can occur between people and the way their minds work. He gains perspective on what things are important and what things aren’t. He sees himself with perspective. He comes to understand himself.

1 May 2022