Website owner:  James Miller

You Can't Help People

   You may know a person who is confused, mixed up, miserable.  
   And you can see a thousand things he is doing wrong.  You feel 
   sorry for him.  You wish you could help him.  He may be a loved 
   one.  Someone close to you.  But you know you can't help him.  
   You can only sadly watch him go all the wrong ways, do 
   everything wrong, and slowly destroy himself.  Why can't you 
   help him?  Because there is a mechanism that prevents you.  It 
   prevents you completely.  You know you simply can't get past 
   it.  There is no point in even trying.  What is it?  It is 
   related to his ego.  The mechanism is that if you just hint to 
   him of his problem he will take it as criticism and respond in 
   anger.  He may erupt like a volcano, shooting flames ten miles 
   high, or at the very least, he will react with silent anger.  
   It is an immutable law: you can't criticize people.  You can't 
   tell them about their faults and flaws; you can't tell them 
   things they don't want to hear.  You can't tell them the truth 
   when the truth amounts to criticism.  You know it is foolish to 
   even try.  And the more confused and mixed up they are the more 
   violently they are likely to respond to criticism.

   Criticism only upsets and angers and never accomplishes 
   anything positive.  Criticism alienates.  No one responds well 
   to criticism.  So if the truth sounds like criticism your hands 
   are tied.  There is nothing you can do. 

   You can't help people.  Only they can help themselves.  They 
   must discover their own errors.  And it is only certain, 
   special people who discover their own errors.  Most never do. 


   Jan 2000