Website owner:  James Miller

Sexual attraction; the conflicting needs within man




   Two basic needs of man are sources of much of his inner 
   conflict and emotional struggle: 

     1. The need for a faithful mate he knows he can trust, 
        someone who genuinely cares for him, a friend whose 
        constancy he knows he can rely on. 

     2. The underlying need, the hidden desire, the sexual pull for a 
        romantic affair with someone other than his mate; the deep wish 
        for a passionate extramarital affair; the force of sexual 
        attraction within us. 

   In other words man wants a mate who is completely faithful and 
   loyal to him on the one hand, yet at the same time, he himself 
   would like to be free to engage in a series of romantic affairs 
   with others of the opposite sex.  He would like to have sexual 
   freedom for himself but not for his mate.  He wants the freedom 
   to wander and roam for himself but cannot accept the idea of 
   allowing his mate that same freedom.  He realizes the 
   unreasonableness of this position and knows that if he expects 
   constancy of his mate then he, too, should be constant and 
   faithful.  So his intellect and reason tell him what is right, 
   how he ought to behave, but he has this desire within him, this 
   force, always pulling him towards the direction of Wrong. 

   It is one of the paradoxes of life, a great perversity of 
   nature, that we have within all of us --- these two great 
   conflicting needs. 

   In a way, man is like the promiscuous male dog that couples 
   with every female that he encounters.  Yet, at the same time, 
   he is a being with the emotional need for the constant 
   affection and love of a lifelong mate.  So that sexual force 
   within us, that force that can so powerfully attract us to 
   certain members of the opposite sex, is like a seed of our own 
   destruction within us.  For we all know that it can destroy 
   marriages, break up families, do great harm to our children, 
   and destroy our personal happiness. 

   So many of us live with a double standard --- one standard for 
   ourselves and the other standard for others.  If we ourselves 
   succumb to a romantic temptation it is a small thing, a 
   peccadillo, a little error we have committed; yet if our mate 
   does it it is an outrageous, inexcusable, unforgivable act; a 
   cause for divorce. 

   Nov 1990