Website owner:  James Miller

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Cause of unhappiness with ourselves

   Q. For what reasons may a person be unhappy with himself?

   A. I can think of the following reasons:

    1. He may not be satisfied with "what he is" in a moral sense.  
     He may not be living true to his moral standards, his 
     knowledge of Right.  He may not be the kind of person that, 
     way down deep inside himself, he admires and respects.  Thus 
     he does not respect himself.  I think when this is true it is 
     all on a level so close to the subconscious that the person 
     is hardly aware of it if he is aware of it at all. (He only 
     comes to truly appreciate that this was his problem when he 
     decides to start living up to the highest moral principles, 
     to start going the right way and doing the right things no 
     matter what people may think or say.  Once he starts taking 
     the "high road" of moral principle he starts becoming infused 
     with a great, new feeling of self-esteem, happiness, 
     confidence and pride in himself and realizes that this was 
     his problem). 

    2. He is unhappy with himself in a physical sense.  He is 
     dissatisfied with his body, his physical appearance, or he is 
     dissatisfied with the abilities God has given him (physical 
     abilities, mental abilities, whatever). 

    3. He may feel as though he were a failure in life.  He may 
     have been defeated many times or never have achieved that 
     thing that the world views as success.  He may feel inept for 
     one reason or another.  (The wrong values and outlooks of 
     critical parents might have something to do with this.)

    4. He may feel unhappy with himself for his own weakness (i.e. 
     lack of resolve, willpower or inner strength) in connection 
     with overcoming some habit or dependence he may have (such as 
     a dependence on alcohol or drugs). 

   Q. What is the solution, the remedy, for a person who is 
     unhappy and dissatisfied with himself?

   A. I think that if a person is unhappy with himself one can say 
     categorically that he has spiritual problems.  Unhappiness 
     with oneself is a signal that something is wrong with one's 
     spiritual health just like fever or physical pain are warning 
     signals that something is wrong with one's physical health.  
     The solution is to unreservedly commit oneself to the very 
     highest moral principles and ideals one knows, to resolve to 
     go the right way no matter what the world may think or say 
     (or how much it may laugh or ridicule).  You say to yourself 
     "The world may do as it pleases.  I don't care what it does.  
     Its way is its business.  But as for me I am going to take 
     the highest way I know.  I am not even going to look at other 
     people.  My guiding star is the highest moral principles and 
     ideals that I know, God and his divine law, and all that is 
     Good and Right."  In addition to this, you resolutely, 
     determinedly set your face toward the quest for personal 
     spirituality.  You pursue spiritual truth, spiritual 
     understanding and wisdom.  You determine to set your heart on 
     things above and follow them with your whole heart.  You 
     determine to get your priorities, values, and spiritual 
     perspective straight.  All this is what you do.  All this 
     constitutes the necessary attitudes and outlooks required to 
     achieve the cure.  It is the necessary way of thinking and 
     feeling. What happens now when you earnestly and 
     enthusiastically pursue this course?  As time passes, months 
     and years, all your problems start fading away.  You feel new 
     life and happiness welling up within you.  All the old 
     hostilities, angers, resentments, hatreds and other negative, 
     pessimistic and unhappy feelings and attitudes start fading 
     away.  All to be replaced with genuine self-esteem, respect 
     for yourself, self-confidence, peace with yourself, spiritual 
     perspective and happiness.  You become transformed into a 
     totally different and new kind of person.

     One may ask "But will this remedy work for the person who is 
     dissatisfied with his abilities or feels he is inept or a 
     failure?"  I believe it will.  Why?  First because the sense 
     of self-esteem and confidence that comes with taking the 
     "high road" of Principle and Right tends to overcome negative 
     fears and feelings.  And, second, because feelings of 
     ineptness and failure really arise from wrong values, wrong 
     priorities, and lack of proper spiritual perspective.  They 
     come from thinking the wrong things are important, measuring 
     ourselves with the wrong yardstick.  We all have our 
     abilities and our inabilities, our strengths and our 
     weaknesses.  We are all intelligent in different ways.  This 
     is the way God made us and it is important that we accept 
     ourselves, be satisfied and content with ourselves, as we 
     are.  However, as we become more spiritually minded, as we 
     gain spiritual perspective, we come to appreciate that it is 
     not physical and mental abilities and inabilities that is 
     what is important in life.  What is important is what we are 
     spiritually.  That is what God looks at.  And as we become 
     more and more spiritually minded we start looking at 
     ourselves the same way God looks at us (and we start looking 
     at other people the same way God looks at them).  We start 
     seeing things differently, seeing ourselves differently, and 
     the things that used to seem so important no longer seem 
     important.  The mental and physical sides of ourselves, our 
     mental abilities, our physical abilities, looks, etc. no 
     longer seem so important and it is much easier to accept 
     ourselves in these areas.  We come to appreciate the value of 
     such spiritual virtues as love, kindness, warmth, 
     friendliness and charity;  we realize how they have such 
     infinitely more importance, value, worth and merit than any 
     physical or mental ability. 

   Nov 1977

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